To be honest, I don't know what I want to write.  I'm just going to let my fingers do the talking and see what comes out.

I suppose the real reason I'm writing this is because I'm feeling really down at the moment.  I don't know if that's a combination of the heat, the wrong dosage of thyroxine, the fact that I've spent the last week running around like a blue arsed fly and now I don't need to, or that Dave has gone to Blackpool for 5 days without me (it's WORK related) and won't be here for my birthday on Wednesday.

I know that I have never been so upset to see him go before - not even when work took him to Japan for 9 weeks while I had my tumour removed.  I wept and wept last night.  I couldn't sleep and the tears just rolled down my face like nobody's business.   I really didn't want him to go - even though when he checked with me a month ago I was quite happy about it.

The parents were here over the weekend, and on Saturday (after being a FAAAB hostess for the past couple of days) I told them that I really didn't want to go out during the day, but I wanted to do other stuff, sleep etc.  Mum was like "oh, but you said you'd come out and do this, that and the other..."  (well, those weren't her words, but you get the meaning) I just started crying then and told her that I was really sorry but I just didn't want to.  (Dave and I met up with them later on in the day though)

I think I get summer holiday blues.  You know, the times when you can go for days when the only people you speak to are shop assistants or mad old ladies sitting on park benches - that's if I can be bothered to get out of the house to find a park bench...  I just don't want to go anywhere or do anything.  I don't want to talk to anyone either.  I want to sit here in my own puddle of self pity with a big "DO NOT DISTURB" sign on the edge of it.  I know that I'll come out of it again, but for now, enough is enough!

I'm half planning a week of pampering myself, cooking all those meals that I know Dave would hate, but that I adore, and making 2 million Christmas cards.  Instead I'll probably watch too much big brother and eat far too much chocolate instead.

Sorry for the shitty post- tis not often I feel as down as this these days, but it's got me bad this week.  Maybe it's a sign of being nearly 35...